trying to say, i've been trying to tell you
tell you it correctly,
i've been trying to tell you correctly
plain and, the, the trading, umm, okay, you, to live with myself
just to live with that, feeling in your heart
ascribe to it the proper amount of awfulness, that's all i'm saying/
the feeling in your heart, but really
a mess of
it's an awful situation, other people don't
it doesn't--i don't know where--what happened
aren't you s--
i don't know where your m--is at these days, damon
iii--these days, damon
want--where have you been? like where have you, like really
i, i don't know where your heart--days, you know
why?/
it's hard to say
it's easier t--you know?

it does hold up
i know it holds up
in the calculus of things, if it's calculated correctly
on average
it does hold up
i, i don't doubt it
but it's the risk, it's the factor of risk that just makes it feel, bad
like it, it just feels bad

it's not unique to you
i know you know others lack and need real--
you've always had at your--palms
set that up for you
all your--all you've had to do is--set up stakes for yourself
it's been a while since we can see where they should be placed but
trust, we can sense if they're being laid well retrospectively

damon
i don't--you want me to want/
among my own possessions/
all you have--create--sense--want--for yourself
i already have what i want/
because i appreciate what i have/
we've given you--we've been a shield--time--comes

climate, the war, etc. don't you--
i can't be, spending most of my time looking away from
i don't wanna spend four, seven, ten years
building a monument right now
i couldn't look away from the world for that much time i need to
that's why i need to take this risk
it's a calculated decision
i swear, i've calculated it, i have added things up you--

let--talk a--specifics you--
eloquently a--what you're against
written here
single-story representation
representation as the story
stories period
heavy-handed metaphors engineered to deliver meaning
work that mimes sociopolitical action
but really amounts to spectacle
a pressure release valve for capital and its maintainers
work that must avoid aesthetic collapse by
not looking at the greater world
that's all nice right?
but you know we know
a negative map is not instructive
you need to, damon,
try to show yourself what you really think you x from yourself
yes, yes i know, i know have to do that, okay
umm, let me try

one, uh, you know, my goals are more similar than you think actually
the effect of my work, the intended effect
like it's more familiar to you than you think
it's still about well-being
there are sicknesses that are yet unmeasured, unformalized, undisciplinized
but that hurt some people sometimes all the same
and where i was going before, i don't think cuts to the core of
a few of these nodes of, of problems that i have an understanding of, a little
identification, diagnosis, alarm-ringing
these are still there
but then there's these additional mechanisms that are afforded
namely
concern for how the thing is said
and how people will care about what's being said

two, myself from your eyes
i hate that i'm incentivized to speak badly about you behind your back/
i still carry that
and i will probably carry that to my grave
i hate that i've taken the incentive sometimes/
but it's as you said
you can't, you can't see the proper stakes so,
i hate the commonness of people airing the wrongs of their immigrant or poor parents/
okay, and i know you know, but like to say it anyway
to people not of that background/
we have shared intentions, i really believe that
like i get defensive for the parents/
and then if you had been treated as well as you treat me
as if they had selected ignorance over learnedness/
you would see now, though you don't, now
as if they had chosen the need to put their stomachs before their voices/
mmm, that that's true
that that suffering is only a reverberation of a past event/
and not this ongoing blend of suppression or insecurity/

three, i wanna probe the systems unusually
it's complicated that individual acts of kindness can form a system of rescue from the jungle/
that's just my style, and yeah style is not correctness but
like saying here, you can be yourself now,/
we all are informed and motivated by style
you were never yourself before, but now we've given you yourself./
and it makes the world interesting
i'm sorry for this, kind of
but it's, it's true
and then how can they be implicated, they are the ones lending an ear to the complaint/

and four like, like you have made me, maybe i another, and then
it's complicated because, an individual processing their emotions/
can have the effect of enacting a second stripping of dignity/
there's the role of demonstrating with your actions
from the people who might have most genuinely attempted to care for them, to listen to them/

okay i get the vibe of, of all that, but
what does it look like
as you talk to them with power over them, newly, because/
you know i know you know i know blahblahblahblahblah
i'm not gonna understand what you're going to say but just, try
you have the correct language, the better words/
like talk as if you're talking to someone who would understand
this choice of talking circles around them/
you could choose to evade understanding/
as you perform for someone else/
someone with more utility to you/

--e, um, a respect for like, feelings
feelings of words, spoken especially
and playing with context--curately
because i think feeling and pleasure and interestingness
are po-are so powerful
and i wanna work the processing of the heart
it's true and i want to present, i want to present interesting research interestingly
and interest in some ways is laid out brick by brick
through like word by word or i don't even know
if you break a word what the smaller parts are called
that's not syllables but like, even small--
i don't know what term is, on my head, but
you get the idea like
the sounds, and that's what i wanna start with
the words or more accurately like
the little phrases, too,
because sometimes the phrase is different than the word
in terms of like networks of associations
umm, cause, i kind i kind of, that's kind of why i like, the the scattering of of of it,
delight, and the mouthfe--and the feeling in your mouth
and rhythmness, and pitch, and space,
and the vibe of things, and the placement of things and
all these aspects, engaging their awareness of their effect on us
that i think
you can, you can really s--, you can know something you already know,
but like more, you can know it better
and knowledge is good sometimes
so yeah the units--i want to start with the unit i wanna work with
right? cutting up and pasting and repeating and playing and f--fixing
like this like this like this [...]
yeah, like this like this like this like this like