care about recording every instance and practicing through them, uh like wiped at the end of each cycle and there had been several, already so it's all compressed by this kind of headache or claiming to be, compressed, right, but but where the question can come from is, or it can be, yourself a line was drawn for an adjacent column it's said that many of the same instances of forgiveness actually can be more difficult than like one, grand gesture the kind that re-envelops the other into your warmth and your allowance/abundance if like reconfiguring the whole umm, i don't want to say mirage/delusion, but yeah like, a trick for, it's like, it's like taking an item from the shelved wall, to the window display i threw up during the election watch party and again sitting at the balcony, in that serene peace too, yeah because, um, i'm reminded plainly of my traitoring by my pulse and i can hear it in those periods between, um, acknowledging the responsibility of my being of the minority world that orb of one-way vision, of passing through climate controlled rooms and deciding after all that primarily to document, for it, to record instances and practice through them, on top of that to clean up my own space in my mind at the end and, um, there had been several, already, right so i just have to adjust the positions and or like interpret the positions to be adjusting and that's where it comes from/ that's the question and answer and just the work all wrapped up in one it's just kind of a restatement and even this, what is this-- the margin had not even slipped into the opposing side though yeah, it did eventually, but, see, i am trying to make a point about choices, believing them to exist where they don't exist, too but here yeah, i do think you deserve observing this on-ramp onto guilt with you meaning i, deserve observing because i watch you make the choice to accept it every day non-automatic glances because i see you making the choice to talk, umm, thank you we have sight to lend if we have the idle time to deliberately take in something called literally like ambient or experimental music f-- sound art/poetry let alone to render it and you are beginning the endeavor illustrating the position with rows and rows of speech almost like to suppress the, of course, counter logics but which you interpret as um, how self defense manifests, what okay and, and then this is the refrain, right? because even after this, you still. i don't know. that having presented all of it, at the moment, a different reading of the project than all this... i don't know. is possible i don't know about that

trying to say, i've been trying to tell you tell you it correctly, i've been trying to tell you correctly plain and, the, the trading, umm, okay, you, to live with myself just to live with that, feeling in your heart ascribe to it the proper amount of awfulness, that's all i'm saying/ the feeling in your heart, but really a mess of it's an awful situation, other people don't it doesn't--i don't know where--what happened aren't you s-- i don't know where your m--is at these days, damon iii--these days, damon want--where have you been? like where have you, like really i, i don't know where your heart--days, you know why?/ it's hard to say it's easier t--you know? it does hold up i know it holds up in the calculus of things, if it's calculated correctly on average it does hold up i, i don't doubt it but it's the risk, it's the factor of risk that just makes it feel, bad like it, it just feels bad it's not unique to you i know you know others lack and need real-- you've always had at your--palms set that up for you all your--all you've had to do is--set up stakes for yourself it's been a while since we can see where they should be placed but trust, we can sense if they're being laid well retrospectively damon i don't--you want me to want/ among my own possessions/ all you have--create--sense--want--for yourself i already have what i want/ because i appreciate what i have/ we've given you--we've been a shield--time--comes climate, the war, etc. don't you-- i can't be, spending most of my time looking away from i don't wanna spend four, seven, ten years building a monument right now i couldn't look away from the world for that much time i need to that's why i need to take this risk it's a calculated decision i swear, i've calculated it, i have added things up you-- let--talk a--specifics you-- eloquently a--what you're against written here single-story representation representation as the story stories period heavy-handed metaphors engineered to deliver meaning work that mimes sociopolitical action but really amounts to spectacle a pressure release valve for capital and its maintainers work that must avoid aesthetic collapse by not looking at the greater world that's all nice right? but you know we know a negative map is not instructive you need to, damon, try to show yourself what you really think you x from yourself yes, yes i know, i know have to do that, okay umm, let me try one, uh, you know, my goals are more similar than you think actually the effect of my work, the intended effect like it's more familiar to you than you think it's still about well-being there are sicknesses that are yet unmeasured, unformalized, undisciplinized but that hurt some people sometimes all the same and where i was going before, i don't think cuts to the core of a few of these nodes of, of problems that i have an understanding of, a little identification, diagnosis, alarm-ringing these are still there but then there's these additional mechanisms that are afforded namely concern for how the thing is said and how people will care about what's being said two, myself from your eyes i hate that i'm incentivized to speak badly about you behind your back/ i still carry that and i will probably carry that to my grave i hate that i've taken the incentive sometimes/ but it's as you said you can't, you can't see the proper stakes so, i hate the commonness of people airing the wrongs of their immigrant or poor parents/ okay, and i know you know, but like to say it anyway to people not of that background/ we have shared intentions, i really believe that like i get defensive for the parents/ and then if you had been treated as well as you treat me as if they had selected ignorance over learnedness/ you would see now, though you don't, now as if they had chosen the need to put their stomachs before their voices/ mmm, that that's true that that suffering is only a reverberation of a past event/ and not this ongoing blend of suppression or insecurity/ three, i wanna probe the systems unusually it's complicated that individual acts of kindness can form a system of rescue from the jungle/ that's just my style, and yeah style is not correctness but like saying here, you can be yourself now,/ we all are informed and motivated by style you were never yourself before, but now we've given you yourself./ and it makes the world interesting i'm sorry for this, kind of but it's, it's true and then how can they be implicated, they are the ones lending an ear to the complaint/ and four like, like you have made me, maybe i another, and then it's complicated because, an individual processing their emotions/ can have the effect of enacting a second stripping of dignity/ there's the role of demonstrating with your actions from the people who might have most genuinely attempted to care for them, to listen to them/ okay i get the vibe of, of all that, but what does it look like as you talk to them with power over them, newly, because/ you know i know you know i know blahblahblahblahblah i'm not gonna understand what you're going to say but just, try you have the correct language, the better words/ like talk as if you're talking to someone who would understand this choice of talking circles around them/ you could choose to evade understanding/ as you perform for someone else/ someone with more utility to you/ --e, um, a respect for like, feelings feelings of words, spoken especially and playing with context--curately because i think feeling and pleasure and interestingness are po-are so powerful and i wanna work the processing of the heart it's true and i want to present, i want to present interesting research interestingly and interest in some ways is laid out brick by brick through like word by word or i don't even know if you break a word what the smaller parts are called that's not syllables but like, even small-- i don't know what term is, on my head, but you get the idea like the sounds, and that's what i wanna start with the words or more accurately like the little phrases, too, because sometimes the phrase is different than the word in terms of like networks of associations umm, cause, i kind i kind of, that's kind of why i like, the the scattering of of of it, delight, and the mouthfe--and the feeling in your mouth and rhythmness, and pitch, and space, and the vibe of things, and the placement of things and all these aspects, engaging their awareness of their effect on us that i think you can, you can really s--, you can know something you already know, but like more, you can know it better and knowledge is good sometimes so yeah the units--i want to start with the unit i wanna work with right? cutting up and pasting and repeating and playing and f--fixing like this like this like this [...] yeah, like this like this like this like this like

ringleader, firewall, hypoviolence, diamond dust okay your turn? oh ummm metallics. gas station fruits yeah! thrift store plastic flowers, vines that are not weeds like slant ways of being similar but, actual real honest newness let's go! black-ops romcom machinima nuketown campsite walkthrough favorite third places cellulose, flag, lapel empire spa, like the name empire spa let's go! let's go! oh and, ablation studies reading the moire eating, good health! these recyclable phrases, these recyclable phrases [...] biodegradable confetti nice! i love that yeah because i want those sparkly nail polishes with the little confettis but micro-plastics and everything i don't want to kill an oyster just for that, u know??? i don't know where to get those so ah, it's the bitter medicine yep. and hey, uh, what about the will-o-wisp? "the" or like, cause there's multiple right okay, i'll humble you, what about the several will o wispssssssssssss i don't want to f**k up an oyster you know? nice i love that, nice i love that, nice i love that fireball, hypoviolaaa--, diamond duuu--- or like a dead i'm trying to put things nicely because that's a type of gift okay biodegradable well there better be several cause the accuracy is like what 85% what the care-ah-mel not car-mel full speed backward caramel not--- the word difficult, written in cursive, in neon caramel water decisions caramel unlearned speech patterns remixing confounders, catechisms, caramel screenplay read-through delivery above 100% legibility outgrowth witch-- / centr-- oh i'm sorry, you go ahead no you can go oh i'm sorry you can go ahead oh okay/alright, witchery / centropy dual wielding impartial allergy third eye, sixth sense, tenth life eye third eye, sixth caramel, tenth aaah! flag, lapel!

that was nice! that was nice! i mean it it has me thinking like i have a few scattered-- um, all my life, i've rarely sought out--plete understanding it's often unreasonable to ask for, especially from another person and i think uh this way that i've lived, it's uh, contributed to how you, to how you feel comfortable with, um how you say, needing less story. looking at feelings, and happenings, instead without --posing a a structure that isn't quite right like i don't even uh delve through or mine my own history, deeply 'cause to me, i dunno, what's the use of that it's kind of like you've written here: generational trauma minus socioeconomic autocorrelation minus self-narra--what? yeah so i appreciate, in your words, your, the skepticism of the effect size of like the trauma--epigenetic--responses i agree with you and, i know you know i know you're not as cruel as you sometimes like--put out to be but not everyone brands themselves as a series of feelings and happenings so you can't, you know you have your own delusional mythology you weren't born of mac low, sophie, to--carthy and 2010s r&-- you you chose those things there was the sonnet, the canon, english--about metaphors plainly--cal piano lessons you're not special among the, the, you know and you're usually good at acknowledging this sh-- and so with this, you can't make some exception you can't deny--home you came from but this should, this, this all should be com--, this all should be comforting, damon, because you can leave a home and as you're kind of doing, but hesitantly because to acknowledge something the true something is not to commit to it being this huge thing for y-- okay, and then the other point, um, i want to return to is the, the metaphor because you say you care about the metaphor, right? of it, giving it proper weight not to-- you learned the method of metaphor in part through--video game, you've said, right? bide, --deavor, facade, swagger, will-o-wi-- i won't go as far to say that therefore, for you, language is about damage mech-- but sometimes you you do treat it as a way of scoring points, playing this game of talking and that can be cool, that can get cool things out of that but it can also mean that you circle the drain all the same, and delay really getting at what you're trying to get at and that's bad because what you'll get instead is a halfway thing don't be shy abou--form of--you're actually wanting to see yourself needing to ma-- don't try to pass off the half--the full th--world--enough half things and you have it within and around you to not or or or or to sometimes not and there are moments i wish you would have held out more like i didn't mind i didn't mind any withholding of of communication i was still listening, and receiving those moments but you just steamrolled through them uh, i need more beauty and less because you were trying to do this, you know, i mean you you know i know, you, you to some extent you there is some telegraphing of, and if that's what you're really against and based on what you previously said there needs to be less meaning less meaning less meaning more of the nice, aesthetic, the raw element that you're you're talking about if you really believe in what you-- you can't rush past the part of proving yourself on the counts that you care about otherwise it's a half--. do you understand? am i s--do you understand what i'm saying hello yeah one second i get what you're saying, ummm lately, about every day i look at myself, like what i've done with myself, recently and the feeling of it is always different i know it's just the weather or just the lighting or even just the caffeine but it feels fundamental all the same and that can get disturbing when lately it's only been me to consult, or ask that, to talk about it let me put it to you like this we can reappraise where we've come from, where we've gone over and over and over and over and over again. until we quote not necessarily bad but then there's the making, in the world and taking the, actually taking the risk, with the placement what kind of legacy is, a perfect mirror just for yourself but i wanna, i would want to be able to convince, to really convince, my heart of the manifesto bullet points, if I'm writing them down after i thought i thought of everything i know you know i'm always trying to listen to the wind that comes from any direction, and of course that makes it difficult but it's something i still want that i feel like, i should be able to do... because it's convinced by the making and doing and sharing a lot that stuff doesn't always come after. and yeah like that's the correct thing to say, of course you know sometimes you need to prove yourself wrong whatever i dunno. after this round, i still feel... upset. i still feel this need to be like oh, i hope, i really hope you are better at, at-- i hope you are more open than me at giving forgiveness, you know? there's nothing to forgive though, damon. i don't know what your problem is. the single wing-flap. remember? remember you told yourself that? take your own f**king advice. yes i did say that. cause i'm awful at listening to myself. thank you./ you have to, you have to make your own scaffolding. pick a place to start. remember? remember i said that? guilt isn't work. stop stalling. thank you./ stop holding back. stop being so shy about what needs to happen. there is a difference between the shelf in your room, and the display by the window. a huge f**king difference. you should know that. thank you./ you do know that. you know i know you know that. i just need to be told some things multiple times?/ i don't know why you would not know that. you're not going to get there by talking more. thank you, really, thank you for this, um i appreciated it i feel most loved when met with intensity like this kind of checking in like i wish other people gave me more of this kind of hones-- no, i mean-- i wish i i were better at inviting people to--no, i wish i were more honest with mys--no. that's not true i, i wish i could-- do what i honestly intend to do, more intensely. yeah i i w--- i want to be able to more - to honestly do what i honestly mean to do, more intensely and lately that's creating less need to talk to myself because at this point i'm tired of my own words already and my own understanding of words i miss my old friends. i miss talking to them i miss certain kinds of strangers too. i miss... but yeah it was getting, it was getting very hard to hear myself and in many ways, right now, i need to work through certain things largely with myself and i feel like i wasn't being open to hearing from you because honestly this, this whole thing here this one whole thing here, fundamentally, is, it's for you and, it's to say, i liked it when you were checking in on me back when i was still building the monument and now that i'm not i worry that what we had is maybe gone maybe forever and that's sad like it's kind of it it it's sad i miss feeling that positive force behind me it was very uncomplicated, and in that way it was kind of wrong, but it felt nice, it felt very nice and this is why i just... these days like, i'm just trying to work through my own i can only work with myself and revising the same material, over and over just maybe twisting it better rewriting to get these like small differen-- these small possible improvements in my understanding but a lot of times it just feels like the negative maps again, that i always... i always revert to, i dunno, but, for, maybe you would see this differently you would say oh it's, these are the wing-flaps, these are it's fine, this is how it works, like you'd be happy with it, maybe you'd be happy with me, probably i've been so scared to approach you, but, i'm glad i did [...] i've been so scared to approach you, but, i'm glad i did [...]/ nah but like, stop, it doesn't sound right you is not. i i should quit the vague you. it, you is not me it's not the listener, it's not a lover, it's not a religious authority, it's not a past version of myself, it's you! my, my ancestors i need to not avoid saying that this is for you, ancestors i, i really am wanting, missing if it ever was a thing, like, us stop this cause really actually honestly don't give a fuck actually about the culture we share, fundamentally i don't care about the details of blood or of language i definitely don't care about food, or history i don't care about culture really because the root direct thing is i miss feeling like i was within your circle of understanding your moral vision at my back and i want to feel again how, the, i wanna feel again the trace of your of how my heart and your understanding meet because somehow i i think that they still do but the fact that i can't, know anymore, that it's been so foggy on your end, sucks i'm grateful i could make myself more available to you like this i'm earnestly trying to m--, trying to make my stakes legible to you the non-linearity, that i-- results or or i work through to me in my opinion that's a failure i hate the incentives of accepting, or even playing up my alienation from you of jumping on you and then away from you like a fucking trampoline i, the, my desire to seek comfort in all the other open arms, also i hate that, it's sad, because what i really want, because i can deserve both, is y-- is our connection con đang chờ máy nha i want your wisdom for how to move in the world it's the utility and the good feeling, both

you told me inspiration's arm is oblique. how would we go on if not with the assumption that the stitching patterns go on, past our field of view? these days, temporally, i'm looking in front of me for it. have you been telling me things this whole time? how can i listen better? i'm supposed to be turning outward after all. the experience was yours and now, the memory is mine. extended space gives extended ringing out. burning a symbol, burning as a symbol, and but the way you've uh, brought us together now, right? so... was our last meeting the cloth's unexpected movement? if i'm wrong you should stop me now. if you... um what... if you're disgraced but have kept your silence, thanks. if you're there i'll defend you from now on, in language, please accept that. because dignity is hard to give to someone who has to ask for it. because the cost of rent, honestly, partially. because of money, the idea of preserving this original slip of paper and selling it as an NFT, if this works out. transformation and burning and originality: i know you know i know it's a fake question but some sucker will eat it up, probably. maybe i'm desperate if i think about it. idea of provoking your response, almost like this, but then that's scary. the scissor, the storm. so help me move the lever, the course? which? that's yours.